photo

agentlemanandasavage:

fortheloveofasub:

Thoughts on Protocol - “The Invisible Leash”
I consider myself to be a relatively low protocol Dominant, though with the passage of time and a growing maturity in my D/s relationship, that is gradually changing. There is a lot of debate and even more misunderstanding surrounding what protocol is and how it can be applied in an M/s or D/s relationship. Having said that, there is no one “right” way to implement protocol in a kink relationship but there are definitely some wrong ones. First lets have a look at protocol as I am referring to it so that we have a common understanding from which to build. In doing so, am going to refer to both Masters and slaves and Dominants and submissive in this essay not because they are interchangeable terms (they are not) but because this discussion applies equally to both forms of relationship.
Protocol is a general guide to communication or interaction. It is not intended to be a task or specific procedure, but is rather a guide, a tenet, a principle. In the interpersonal sense, it is a roadmap for how people are to interrelate with one another. More specifically, in the D/s or M/s sense it is a code of behavior that sets expectations and guidelines for interaction between Master and slave, Dominant and submissive and their surroundings.
So why is this important?
Slaves and submissives universally share two common fears as it relates to their role in an M/s or D/s relationship; a fear of failure and a fear of rejection. The strongest desire of a slave is to please the Master. If a submissive does not understand the expectations of their Dominant they will feel lost at sea, tossed about endlessly by the fickle fates of wind and waves. They are set up for failure because they do not know how to please and thus how to succeed. They also then gain a growing fear that they are displeasing their Dominant and thus feel susceptible to being rejected. Neither of these fears must be allowed to take root in a D/s or M/s relationship or it will be irreversibly undermined.
Protocols are much more than a simple way for a submissive to know what their Dominant wants. They are not just a list of tasks with specific procedures for adequate completion. They are a framework to live within, a set of boundaries. They are often actions or phrases that reaffirm each person’s role in the relationship. They are designed to set forth how a D/s couple will interact with one another, in scene, in public, at home, in the community. They are designed to set a mood, teach a specific behavior, achieve a specific goal, or simply because they please the Master to have it that way.
To be most effective, protocols should be in the form of a written protocol manual. At a recent Master/salve convention a survey was conducted of owners and slaves to determine the importance and prevalence of written protocols. Of the slaves that were surveyed, 100% of them said it would be extremely helpful or crucial to their success to have a written set of protocols. Of the Masters who were surveyed, only 25% actually provided such a written manual. This shows a substantial disparity between the needs of a submissive and the direction their Dominants are providing.
Developing a well thought out protocol manual takes significant effort and thought on the part of a Dominant but it can also be a combined product of the Dominant and submissive. Even in a Master/salve relationship this is an area where collaboration and suggestions from the slave should be weighed carefully and considered by the Master for inclusion. Naturally, the final decision rests with the Master, but no one knows the slave better than the slave, and they can provide valuable insight and make important suggestions that should be given a fair audience and hearing.
This inclusion of the slave in the development of a protocol manual and the specific protocols it contains also plays an important role in what I distinguish as a difference between “compliance” and “obedience.” When a submissive is simply handed a collection of rules, regulations, procedures, tasks, and the like, they may do their best to blindly comply with the specifics out of a sense of duty to their Dominant but may not be fully invested in the goals behind them and indeed may not see any rhyme or reason to the list at all. When a slave understands the “why” or goal of having something done a particular way or under specific circumstances they become not only intellectually cognizant of the requirement but also emotionally invested in the outcome. No longer simply complying, there is an alignment of both heart and mind in complete obedience. There is a pride not only in the successful adherence to protocols but also in the beliefs that went into them.
By maintaining protocols, the Master and slave share a connection and with each and every instance of a protocol being adhered to or acted upon a reaffirmation of the dynamic between them takes place. Both the Dom and slave are reminded of their role and place in the power exchange relationship. By providing guidance to a submissive, there is no question how they should behave in any circumstance or surrounding because the decision has already been made by the Dominant. There is clarity in the wishes of the Dom and clear metrics for success on the part of the submissive. But even more importantly, by having clear guidelines to follow, the slave feels the guidance and control of the Master without the Master having to be present or verbally dictate the slave’s every move. This is why Master Tallen refers to protocols as “The Invisible Leash.”
Just like a leash, protocols bind owner and slave together in an ever-present connection and bond. But protocols also serve to create separation. Like the leash, a protocol is a continual reminder that the slave is separated from the Master and other superiors, thus reaffirming the slave’s position in life. An example of such a protocol might be that when in public a slave must walk a half step behind and to the right of their Master, or the common protocol of a prohibition on the use of furniture in private or at BDSM community functions by a slave. It reinforces that Masters and slaves are at opposite ends of the power exchange yet in the obedience to a protocol, the bond between the two is reaffirmed.
In developing protocols I recommend that D/s couples keep them at the level of being basic guidelines for behavior and not a list of specific chores or duties. Think of protocols as guides to how a Dominant wants their submissive to interact and behave in various environments and circumstances. A good way to break this down is to have protocols for being in private, in public, at a BDSM community event, at work, with children or other immediate family. These are social settings where one pattern of behavior or another might not be appropriate. Think about speech patterns, how a Dom should be approached and addressed, what overt and covert signs of the relationship should be displayed, acceptable posture and positions for certain behaviors, level of formality, etc. Protocols for all of these surroundings should have common goals and objectives but may differentiate how they are addressed or carried out depending on circumstance and surrounding company. Even in a 24/7 TPE relationship, there are times when elements of the relationship are not appropriate or acceptable to be displayed. Working all of this out in advance and committing it to a written protocol manual removes the uncertainty and discomfort that can lead to dreaded fears of failure or rejection on the part of a submissive.
Protocols are relevant for all BDSM interactions from casual time-delimited play sessions to 24/7 lifestyle relationships and everything in between. Enforcing protocols should be treated with the same level of importance and timeliness as tasks from the perspective of correction or punishment. Slaves and submissive carry a heavy burden when they realize they have displeased their Master or Dominant and will beat themselves up until it is addressed. Correction and punishment gives closure, ensures focus and should be accomplished immediately and with forgiveness.
It is common for new Dominants to confuse protocols with tasks. Indeed, most new D/s relationships tend to focus on the very thing that attracts most of us to them in the first place, kinky sexual activity. Thus, many new Dominants will embrace a series of tasks or requirements, often sexual in nature, as the means of establishing and maintaining the power exchange. This alone is enough for many scene delimited Doms and subs and can be the extent of their interaction, which is fine. However for some, after a time there can be a dawning realization that there is something deeper and more gratifying to be had within the power exchange. That there can be a recognition of a deep inner drive to be a Master or a slave motivated by something other that sex and sexuality. Deeply rooted desires to serve and be served, surrender and control can become far more gratifying than the kinky sexuality alone. Here the gratification becomes far more relationship based and the need for protocols to describe and maintain those relationships beyond simple tasks and requirements become paramount. Indeed the protocols become the framework of the power exchange itself. It comes time for something more sophisticated and well thought out.
My Muse and I have some protocols between us that describe how we interact with one another and how she is expected to behave, care for herself, speak to me, and so forth. Initially these protocols were more task oriented but with time they are becoming more goal oriented. Protocols are evolving to play an ever greater role in our relationship and will only become more pervasive and comprehensive as our relationship develops and evolves to ever deeper levels of submission and commitment.
I strongly encourage anyone with an interest in D/s to do some research on protocols and the role they play in M/s and D/s relationships. There are several good books available on the topic available through the major online book sellers. Take the time and effort to not only come up with a list of protocols but to communicate them thoroughly, explain their rationale and goals completely, and commit them to a written protocol manual that guides the behavior and interaction of both Dominant and submissive in various aspects of their lives.
You will both be richly rewarded for your efforts.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image Credit Unknown

Great Article…
Gentleman Savage

agentlemanandasavage:

fortheloveofasub:

Thoughts on Protocol - “The Invisible Leash”

I consider myself to be a relatively low protocol Dominant, though with the passage of time and a growing maturity in my D/s relationship, that is gradually changing. There is a lot of debate and even more misunderstanding surrounding what protocol is and how it can be applied in an M/s or D/s relationship. Having said that, there is no one “right” way to implement protocol in a kink relationship but there are definitely some wrong ones. First lets have a look at protocol as I am referring to it so that we have a common understanding from which to build. In doing so, am going to refer to both Masters and slaves and Dominants and submissive in this essay not because they are interchangeable terms (they are not) but because this discussion applies equally to both forms of relationship.

Protocol is a general guide to communication or interaction. It is not intended to be a task or specific procedure, but is rather a guide, a tenet, a principle. In the interpersonal sense, it is a roadmap for how people are to interrelate with one another. More specifically, in the D/s or M/s sense it is a code of behavior that sets expectations and guidelines for interaction between Master and slave, Dominant and submissive and their surroundings.

So why is this important?

Slaves and submissives universally share two common fears as it relates to their role in an M/s or D/s relationship; a fear of failure and a fear of rejection. The strongest desire of a slave is to please the Master. If a submissive does not understand the expectations of their Dominant they will feel lost at sea, tossed about endlessly by the fickle fates of wind and waves. They are set up for failure because they do not know how to please and thus how to succeed. They also then gain a growing fear that they are displeasing their Dominant and thus feel susceptible to being rejected. Neither of these fears must be allowed to take root in a D/s or M/s relationship or it will be irreversibly undermined.

Protocols are much more than a simple way for a submissive to know what their Dominant wants. They are not just a list of tasks with specific procedures for adequate completion. They are a framework to live within, a set of boundaries. They are often actions or phrases that reaffirm each person’s role in the relationship. They are designed to set forth how a D/s couple will interact with one another, in scene, in public, at home, in the community. They are designed to set a mood, teach a specific behavior, achieve a specific goal, or simply because they please the Master to have it that way.

To be most effective, protocols should be in the form of a written protocol manual. At a recent Master/salve convention a survey was conducted of owners and slaves to determine the importance and prevalence of written protocols. Of the slaves that were surveyed, 100% of them said it would be extremely helpful or crucial to their success to have a written set of protocols. Of the Masters who were surveyed, only 25% actually provided such a written manual. This shows a substantial disparity between the needs of a submissive and the direction their Dominants are providing.

Developing a well thought out protocol manual takes significant effort and thought on the part of a Dominant but it can also be a combined product of the Dominant and submissive. Even in a Master/salve relationship this is an area where collaboration and suggestions from the slave should be weighed carefully and considered by the Master for inclusion. Naturally, the final decision rests with the Master, but no one knows the slave better than the slave, and they can provide valuable insight and make important suggestions that should be given a fair audience and hearing.

This inclusion of the slave in the development of a protocol manual and the specific protocols it contains also plays an important role in what I distinguish as a difference between “compliance” and “obedience.” When a submissive is simply handed a collection of rules, regulations, procedures, tasks, and the like, they may do their best to blindly comply with the specifics out of a sense of duty to their Dominant but may not be fully invested in the goals behind them and indeed may not see any rhyme or reason to the list at all. When a slave understands the “why” or goal of having something done a particular way or under specific circumstances they become not only intellectually cognizant of the requirement but also emotionally invested in the outcome. No longer simply complying, there is an alignment of both heart and mind in complete obedience. There is a pride not only in the successful adherence to protocols but also in the beliefs that went into them.

By maintaining protocols, the Master and slave share a connection and with each and every instance of a protocol being adhered to or acted upon a reaffirmation of the dynamic between them takes place. Both the Dom and slave are reminded of their role and place in the power exchange relationship. By providing guidance to a submissive, there is no question how they should behave in any circumstance or surrounding because the decision has already been made by the Dominant. There is clarity in the wishes of the Dom and clear metrics for success on the part of the submissive. But even more importantly, by having clear guidelines to follow, the slave feels the guidance and control of the Master without the Master having to be present or verbally dictate the slave’s every move. This is why Master Tallen refers to protocols as “The Invisible Leash.”

Just like a leash, protocols bind owner and slave together in an ever-present connection and bond. But protocols also serve to create separation. Like the leash, a protocol is a continual reminder that the slave is separated from the Master and other superiors, thus reaffirming the slave’s position in life. An example of such a protocol might be that when in public a slave must walk a half step behind and to the right of their Master, or the common protocol of a prohibition on the use of furniture in private or at BDSM community functions by a slave. It reinforces that Masters and slaves are at opposite ends of the power exchange yet in the obedience to a protocol, the bond between the two is reaffirmed.

In developing protocols I recommend that D/s couples keep them at the level of being basic guidelines for behavior and not a list of specific chores or duties. Think of protocols as guides to how a Dominant wants their submissive to interact and behave in various environments and circumstances. A good way to break this down is to have protocols for being in private, in public, at a BDSM community event, at work, with children or other immediate family. These are social settings where one pattern of behavior or another might not be appropriate. Think about speech patterns, how a Dom should be approached and addressed, what overt and covert signs of the relationship should be displayed, acceptable posture and positions for certain behaviors, level of formality, etc. Protocols for all of these surroundings should have common goals and objectives but may differentiate how they are addressed or carried out depending on circumstance and surrounding company. Even in a 24/7 TPE relationship, there are times when elements of the relationship are not appropriate or acceptable to be displayed. Working all of this out in advance and committing it to a written protocol manual removes the uncertainty and discomfort that can lead to dreaded fears of failure or rejection on the part of a submissive.

Protocols are relevant for all BDSM interactions from casual time-delimited play sessions to 24/7 lifestyle relationships and everything in between. Enforcing protocols should be treated with the same level of importance and timeliness as tasks from the perspective of correction or punishment. Slaves and submissive carry a heavy burden when they realize they have displeased their Master or Dominant and will beat themselves up until it is addressed. Correction and punishment gives closure, ensures focus and should be accomplished immediately and with forgiveness.

It is common for new Dominants to confuse protocols with tasks. Indeed, most new D/s relationships tend to focus on the very thing that attracts most of us to them in the first place, kinky sexual activity. Thus, many new Dominants will embrace a series of tasks or requirements, often sexual in nature, as the means of establishing and maintaining the power exchange. This alone is enough for many scene delimited Doms and subs and can be the extent of their interaction, which is fine. However for some, after a time there can be a dawning realization that there is something deeper and more gratifying to be had within the power exchange. That there can be a recognition of a deep inner drive to be a Master or a slave motivated by something other that sex and sexuality. Deeply rooted desires to serve and be served, surrender and control can become far more gratifying than the kinky sexuality alone. Here the gratification becomes far more relationship based and the need for protocols to describe and maintain those relationships beyond simple tasks and requirements become paramount. Indeed the protocols become the framework of the power exchange itself. It comes time for something more sophisticated and well thought out.

My Muse and I have some protocols between us that describe how we interact with one another and how she is expected to behave, care for herself, speak to me, and so forth. Initially these protocols were more task oriented but with time they are becoming more goal oriented. Protocols are evolving to play an ever greater role in our relationship and will only become more pervasive and comprehensive as our relationship develops and evolves to ever deeper levels of submission and commitment.

I strongly encourage anyone with an interest in D/s to do some research on protocols and the role they play in M/s and D/s relationships. There are several good books available on the topic available through the major online book sellers. Take the time and effort to not only come up with a list of protocols but to communicate them thoroughly, explain their rationale and goals completely, and commit them to a written protocol manual that guides the behavior and interaction of both Dominant and submissive in various aspects of their lives.

You will both be richly rewarded for your efforts.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Image Credit Unknown

Great Article…

Gentleman Savage

(via pixelated-emotions)

photos

winnipeg-gurl69:

piggyfarmer:

vinnytheone:


Safe, sane and consensual, always!

This is ALL true

correct

(Source: dizhang)

BDSM Gallery

BDSM Gallery is a BDSM blog for anyone interested in the world of BDSM, with an emphasis on D/s dynamics. Large selection of BDSM images, quotes, and educational material.

http://bdsmgallery.org

Links & A Question

Hi. I would like to say I’m glad to find this on tumblr. The first link was given to me by a former friend who told me about BDSM after I saw some of her books. The second link I found to be funny (sometimes) yet still has an educational value to it.

http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm

http://www.bdsmwise.com/content/menu.htm

Are you considering making a suggested reading list?

http://thegentlemaster.blogspot.com/

musings on the benefits of being an Dom.

My BDSM blog

my blog, deathlesshorsie.tumblr.com is a sea of inspiration for people in the BDSM scene, it’s a collaboration of answered questions, original content and reblogged pictures.

My journal as a submissive

http://dirtysubmissiveconfessions.tumblr.com/

This is my journal, set up on request of my Dominant. I record my daily tasks and punishments as well as general thoughts and feelings which come with being a slutty sub.

BDSM and LEO,

Something my wife, my GF and I put together at the request of a group in the SF Bay Area.  You might want to look at it.  If you like it I have it on a *.doc format for easy posting.

https://fetlife.com/users/1368/posts/1027999

And story of a married couple changing their life to a new direction

http://kinkylips.tumblr.com

The ramblings of my own depraved mind.  My own BDSM short stories.  As well as sexual images that turn me on. NSF

photo

Photographer: TedScanon Photography
Model: Gina Barros
Ropework: Rope Bondage By Ahab
Styling: Cherry Bombs Vintage & Styling
My new e-book, Rope Bondage Vol. 1 is available now!
http://www.e-junkie.com/ropebondagebyahab

Photographer: TedScanon Photography

Model: Gina Barros

Ropework: Rope Bondage By Ahab

Styling: Cherry Bombs Vintage & Styling

My new e-book, Rope Bondage Vol. 1 is available now!

http://www.e-junkie.com/ropebondagebyahab

photo

daddyvinnie:

Being Safe in the DD/lg Communityby Daddy Vinnie
Okay, littles, this post is mostly for you, though there are some sensitive Daddies out there that may benefit as well.
Welcome to the wide wonderful world of the Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) dynamic. This lifestyle has so much to offer anyone: the chance to be taken care of and cherished; the chance to nurture and care for the most adorable little you could hope to have in your life.  Also, you get the chance to color, and play games, and play with dolls, or you can get naughty and play big girls games and play with Daddy’s lolly and indulge all your disturbing taboo fantasies. There are no rules, only your own twisted minds to play in - as well as each other’s bodies!
But it has recently come to our attention that many of you littles are endangering yourself in the kinky fetish community, mostly due to impatience, desperation, and loneliness.  This must end … now!
The DD/lg dynamic is a subcomponent of the BDSM kinky/fetish community. As such, it’s very active on sites like fetlife, among other places. When lost littles are looking for Daddies, they are making rash decisions to meet people they’ve only just barely begun to talk to, that they’ve never met in real life, that they know nothing about at all. And then in their desire to have a Daddy, they get taken advantage of - fucked - and abandoned.  There are a lot of scammers who will take advantage of impressionable young girls, and many of them are on fetlife and the other kinky social networks. They mask themselves, pretend they are good guys, find their way in to little girl’s hearts, and then use them quickly and leave them.  This is a sad state of affairs.
First, BOOOO to those Daddies who take advantage of vulnerable littles. But likewise, BOOOO to you littles who aren’t taking a deep breath and thinking clearly.
Now is the time to stop the madness.  Lolita and I love you all. We know that there are good Daddies out there for all you lost littles.  And we know there are good littles out there for you lonely Daddies.  So, here we go…..starting afresh to keep you all happy and healthy and joyful in your lives.
Know Thyself - before you can begin to submit to another or be a little to a Daddy, you must know exactly who you are, what you like, what you want for yourself and for your Daddy.  Do some soul searching.  Write it down. (This is how I got to know Lolita - she wrote extensively about her Little side, revealing pieces of her inner self and also what she thought about who a Daddy might be for her, and how she must *earn* a Daddy.)  Be inspired by her - take the time to know yourself more than anything else. Get in touch with your Little - embrace her, cherish her, protect her - she is THE most precious part of yourself.  Be HONEST with yourself to a fault. That’s sooo important. 
Make contacts in your community. Fetlife is a wonderful social networking tool for the kinky community. You can find events in your area, or relatively nearby, make contacts with real people, find social events in PUBLIC PLACES where you can meet people and talk over coffee or sushi, just kinky people meeting kinky people and being supportive of each other.  Friends are wonderful - they look after each other and keep each other safe and sane. 
Ask for References. Okay, so you’ve made contact with people on fetlife, and you’ve made contacts in your local community and made it out to a social. But that Daddy (or that little) that you are interested in, do you really know them from the brief messaging you’ve been doing? Noooooo!! So, time to ask for references. Did you know that Lolita asked about me before she met me… and that I encouraged her to?  The leaders in your community will know who is good news and who is bad news and to be avoided.  ASK FOR REFERENCES.  It’s an essential step.  And don’t ask the person to supply the references. There are lots of “friends” set up who will vouch for each other, and all they are is closed circles of friends who are causing trouble in their communities.  Find out what you can about the person or people you are interested in BEFORE meeting with them. 
Meet for Coffee First - not play or a play party.  So you’ve established that you like this cute “little” or that handsome Daddy and you are getting all goose fleshy every time his or her name pops up on fet chat or a message appears in your inbox.  Time to have a coffee date, or meet at a public park or restaurant. Now is NOT the time to go out for drinks and get drunk.  Now is NOT the time to go back to his place to “look at his record collection.” Now is NOT the time to go for a long private drive into the country.  And now is NOT the time to have him introduce you to his three closest buddies.  Littles - keep your panties on!  There are SO many good Daddies out there, you do NOT know that this is the one, yet.  Go meet for coffee. Talk. Chat. Establish a friendship, or not. Find out if this is the kind of person you want to spend more time with.  You know, you might meet for weeks or months without doing ANYTHING. The point is, establish a relationship first, preferable a friendship, before anything more serous happens. This is the important time, the time for reflection and recounting what it is YOU want for yourself, and what you want in a Daddy (or in a Little). 
Time for the old BDSM Scene Negotiation Checklist.  Okay, so the attraction is mutual and you are on the same wave length. Now what?  What do you do? How do you start? It’s time for you to learn more about each other’s kinky sides. Find a good BDSM Scene Negotiation Checklist and each of you fill it out.  Most DD/lg relationships have some sort of D/s twist to it, naturally. You may or may not be into heavy kink or impact play. So just adjust the checklist to your own preferences, whether it’s coloring and dolls or spankings and floggings.  There are no rules. What you do should excite you and make you feel good - that’s the only rule.  I have written an extensive post on BDSM Scene Negotiation Checklists. Check it out. 
Go Slow.  Okay, so you’ve had a meeting of the minds, and probably lips, too, and had plenty of coffee and snarky talks on skype and fetlife, and you’re hitting it off swimmingly.  You’ve negotiated your boundaries and talked about what you like and don’t like. And you still feel…….good, and excited.  What do you do next?  GO SLOW.  There is no rush here. If you are desperate for a Daddy, if you are desperate for a Little, you are going to make bad decisions.  Don’t be desperate. You’ve come this far - be proud of yourself for taking your time and make GOOD decisions.  Keep on making those good decisions.   Once you give in to your carnal desires and lusts, it’s difficult - impossible - to go back.  Be sure. Make sure it’s what you want and how you want it.  DO NOT SETTLE - EVER. 
Do what’s good for you.  It’s difficult sometimes to take the high road, but it’s so important that you do when searching for a Daddy (or a little).  Have some integrity and moral backbone.  Be super honest with yourself and your prospective partner. In a D/s relationship and a DD/lg dynamic, there is a superabundance of trust that must exchange hands - more so than in a conventional relationship. First of all, if you engage in D/s, then there is a power exchange involved. If you don’t give 100% completely, then it’s very difficult to truly let go and give yourself to another. If you are holding back, then what are you really giving?  Give your ALL.. in everything you do.  And that’s double so in giving yourself as a submissive, or as a little. Always keep in mind to do what’s good for you.  Protect your little, but also allow her the luxury of a Daddy that has earned his place and that you have earned yourself.After all, as my little girl would say, you are worth it, aren’t you?  You bet you are!  Lolita and I know that you lost littles are worth the best Daddies out there.  And for you lonely Daddies, we know you deserve the Little that fits you best.
Be good to yourselves…. all of you.  Do not compromise. Do not settle. Know who you are and what you are about. And never ever ever do something silly and spontaneous and without thinking.  You are too important and too precious for that.   
Know that Lo and I love you all very much. Thanks for following along. As always, you are welcome in our inboxes anytime.

daddyvinnie:

Being Safe in the DD/lg Community
by Daddy Vinnie

Okay, littles, this post is mostly for you, though there are some sensitive Daddies out there that may benefit as well.

Welcome to the wide wonderful world of the Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) dynamic. This lifestyle has so much to offer anyone: the chance to be taken care of and cherished; the chance to nurture and care for the most adorable little you could hope to have in your life.  Also, you get the chance to color, and play games, and play with dolls, or you can get naughty and play big girls games and play with Daddy’s lolly and indulge all your disturbing taboo fantasies. There are no rules, only your own twisted minds to play in - as well as each other’s bodies!

But it has recently come to our attention that many of you littles are endangering yourself in the kinky fetish community, mostly due to impatience, desperation, and loneliness.  This must end … now!

The DD/lg dynamic is a subcomponent of the BDSM kinky/fetish community. As such, it’s very active on sites like fetlife, among other places. When lost littles are looking for Daddies, they are making rash decisions to meet people they’ve only just barely begun to talk to, that they’ve never met in real life, that they know nothing about at all. And then in their desire to have a Daddy, they get taken advantage of - fucked - and abandoned.  There are a lot of scammers who will take advantage of impressionable young girls, and many of them are on fetlife and the other kinky social networks. They mask themselves, pretend they are good guys, find their way in to little girl’s hearts, and then use them quickly and leave them.  This is a sad state of affairs.

First, BOOOO to those Daddies who take advantage of vulnerable littles. But likewise, BOOOO to you littles who aren’t taking a deep breath and thinking clearly.

Now is the time to stop the madness.  Lolita and I love you all. We know that there are good Daddies out there for all you lost littles.  And we know there are good littles out there for you lonely Daddies.  So, here we go…..starting afresh to keep you all happy and healthy and joyful in your lives.

    1. Know Thyself - before you can begin to submit to another or be a little to a Daddy, you must know exactly who you are, what you like, what you want for yourself and for your Daddy.  Do some soul searching.  Write it down. (This is how I got to know Lolita - she wrote extensively about her Little side, revealing pieces of her inner self and also what she thought about who a Daddy might be for her, and how she must *earn* a Daddy.)  Be inspired by her - take the time to know yourself more than anything else. Get in touch with your Little - embrace her, cherish her, protect her - she is THE most precious part of yourself.  Be HONEST with yourself to a fault. That’s sooo important.
       
    2. Make contacts in your community. Fetlife is a wonderful social networking tool for the kinky community. You can find events in your area, or relatively nearby, make contacts with real people, find social events in PUBLIC PLACES where you can meet people and talk over coffee or sushi, just kinky people meeting kinky people and being supportive of each other.  Friends are wonderful - they look after each other and keep each other safe and sane.
       
    3. Ask for References. Okay, so you’ve made contact with people on fetlife, and you’ve made contacts in your local community and made it out to a social. But that Daddy (or that little) that you are interested in, do you really know them from the brief messaging you’ve been doing? Noooooo!! So, time to ask for references. Did you know that Lolita asked about me before she met me… and that I encouraged her to?  The leaders in your community will know who is good news and who is bad news and to be avoided.  ASK FOR REFERENCES.  It’s an essential step.  And don’t ask the person to supply the references. There are lots of “friends” set up who will vouch for each other, and all they are is closed circles of friends who are causing trouble in their communities.  Find out what you can about the person or people you are interested in BEFORE meeting with them.
       
    4. Meet for Coffee First - not play or a play party.  So you’ve established that you like this cute “little” or that handsome Daddy and you are getting all goose fleshy every time his or her name pops up on fet chat or a message appears in your inbox.  Time to have a coffee date, or meet at a public park or restaurant. Now is NOT the time to go out for drinks and get drunk.  Now is NOT the time to go back to his place to “look at his record collection.” Now is NOT the time to go for a long private drive into the country.  And now is NOT the time to have him introduce you to his three closest buddies.  Littles - keep your panties on!  There are SO many good Daddies out there, you do NOT know that this is the one, yet.  Go meet for coffee. Talk. Chat. Establish a friendship, or not. Find out if this is the kind of person you want to spend more time with.  You know, you might meet for weeks or months without doing ANYTHING. The point is, establish a relationship first, preferable a friendship, before anything more serous happens. This is the important time, the time for reflection and recounting what it is YOU want for yourself, and what you want in a Daddy (or in a Little).
       
    5. Time for the old BDSM Scene Negotiation Checklist.  Okay, so the attraction is mutual and you are on the same wave length. Now what?  What do you do? How do you start? It’s time for you to learn more about each other’s kinky sides. Find a good BDSM Scene Negotiation Checklist and each of you fill it out.  Most DD/lg relationships have some sort of D/s twist to it, naturally. You may or may not be into heavy kink or impact play. So just adjust the checklist to your own preferences, whether it’s coloring and dolls or spankings and floggings.  There are no rules. What you do should excite you and make you feel good - that’s the only rule.  I have written an extensive post on BDSM Scene Negotiation Checklists. Check it out.
       
    6. Go Slow.  Okay, so you’ve had a meeting of the minds, and probably lips, too, and had plenty of coffee and snarky talks on skype and fetlife, and you’re hitting it off swimmingly.  You’ve negotiated your boundaries and talked about what you like and don’t like. And you still feel…….good, and excited.  What do you do next?  GO SLOW.  There is no rush here. If you are desperate for a Daddy, if you are desperate for a Little, you are going to make bad decisions.  Don’t be desperate. You’ve come this far - be proud of yourself for taking your time and make GOOD decisions.  Keep on making those good decisions.   Once you give in to your carnal desires and lusts, it’s difficult - impossible - to go back.  Be sure. Make sure it’s what you want and how you want it.  DO NOT SETTLE - EVER.
       
    7. Do what’s good for you.  It’s difficult sometimes to take the high road, but it’s so important that you do when searching for a Daddy (or a little).  Have some integrity and moral backbone.  Be super honest with yourself and your prospective partner. In a D/s relationship and a DD/lg dynamic, there is a superabundance of trust that must exchange hands - more so than in a conventional relationship. First of all, if you engage in D/s, then there is a power exchange involved. If you don’t give 100% completely, then it’s very difficult to truly let go and give yourself to another. If you are holding back, then what are you really giving?  Give your ALL.. in everything you do.  And that’s double so in giving yourself as a submissive, or as a little. Always keep in mind to do what’s good for you.  Protect your little, but also allow her the luxury of a Daddy that has earned his place and that you have earned yourself.

      After all, as my little girl would say, you are worth it, aren’t you?  

      You bet you are!  Lolita and I know that you lost littles are worth the best Daddies out there.  And for you lonely Daddies, we know you deserve the Little that fits you best.

Be good to yourselves…. all of you.  Do not compromise. Do not settle. Know who you are and what you are about. And never ever ever do something silly and spontaneous and without thinking.  You are too important and too precious for that.   

Know that Lo and I love you all very much. Thanks for following along. As always, you are welcome in our inboxes anytime.

(Source: prideoverprofitandgutsovergreed, via littlegirlinwaiting)

My new bdsm blog ^^

Hey there! I’m a 21 year old sub, masochist girl and I just started a bdsm tumblr. I wish you all could follow me. I will reblog pictures as well as posting some of myself and will write about my D/s life and how I see it.

http://letmefeelthyanger.tumblr.com/

photo

ilovetofuckdaddy:

daddy can be very strict


Safe sex? Another one of those provocative photo shoot type pics that goes against some basic rules for safe play with bondage.

ilovetofuckdaddy:

daddy can be very strict

Safe sex? Another one of those provocative photo shoot type pics that goes against some basic rules for safe play with bondage.

(via girlsgoingblack-deactivated2013)

Is the bdsminfo blog still active?  If not, may I just offer you my submission?

Yes, this blog is still active and submissions are welcome. I’ve got 25 articles/ideas in the draft queue waiting for me to find some time to put into this but I’m also in a transitional phase. I moved a couple of weeks ago and have a new partner/playmate and limited internet access so I haven’t had much time to work on this blog lately. 

Submissions are always welcome. I created this blog with the idea that it would be a community resource and project and welcome any efforts people want to put into sharing info, tips and safety thoughts here.